Bad case of alliteration there I'm afraid. Hopefully I'll make a full recovery. Trust me, there is a thread to this post, which will soon become clear. But first of all, may I present Le Tarte, in all its finger-sticky, rustic glory:


And how well did a slice of that go down with a steaming espresso coffee and a slurp of Eumundi cream. Mercy!
I don't know what's come over me lately, but foodwise I've gone all-Frenchy-all-chic. I find myself yearning to master (mistress?) the classics: coq au vin, (real) quiche lorraine, cassoulet ... Perhaps it was Julie and Julia (those French kitchens - oh my!). Perhaps it was French Women Don't Get Fat (No eye-rolling please. Really, it was such a good read. Nothing about diets. All about joie de vivre, quality over quantity - and lashings of common sense.) Or perhaps it was moving into the Dream Kitchen, which of course involved the dusting off, leafing through, and rearranging of the cookbook collection.
Whatever it was, it's left me all inspired to whip up simple, unpretentious, delicious and classy food. And I'm learning that's what real French cooking - real home cooking - is all about.
So far, on my "to cook" list, I've ticked off five triumphs - and one straight-into-Hamlet's-swill-bucket disaster. Not bad odds, really.

Things I've learnt about apple tarts (some from books, some from my dear departed mum):

1. Make 'em upside down in a cast-iron frying pan: foolproof, looks sensational, and saves washing up. Melt 40g butter and 100g raw caster sugar in pan until thick and syrupy. Add apples (peeled and cut into chunky quarters). Simmer gently for 15 mins until glossy and golden. Quick as lightning, cover with a thick circle of pastry. Tuck edges in between pan and apple. (Be brave. Cast iron fingers help.) Then straight into a hot oven. 20 minutes at 200C, 20 mins at 160. Once cooked, cover with a plate and flip the whole thing over. Lift off pan and - ta da! - you'll feel like Houdini. (Have audience gathered pre-flipping.)
2. Pastry needs lots of pure butter and good flour (100g butter to 150g flour), and some sugar (20-25g). Once butter's rubbed through with your fingertips, add two egg yolks to bind together.
3. Cut the egg yolks in with a knife. Cut rather than mix. Comes together brilliantly if there's enough butter.
4. Don't add water to pastry. Well, just a sprinkle if it's really dry. Or dampen your hands when you knead it.
5. Don't knead it! Well only for 2 seconds to pull it together.
6. Wrap in plastic or greaseproof paper and rest in fridge for 30 minutes before rolling out.

And that pretty-as-pie vintage 70s tablecloth? Yet another bargain from the fabulous Yandina Markets. Never used, still with its package creases and original label. And I ask you, when was the last time you saw "Made in Ireland" on a label?


Yeh, I know, it's hardly Irish linen. As my chum Leigh noted: "And when was the last time you saw 'terylene' on a label?"
To which I replied: "On a pair of men's slacks, circa 1969."